Miss Dior’s Vacent Heart

Parting only seems natural.  It’s what I’ve never sought after from the beginning which makes us not perusing a factual relationship so organic.  A girl meets a boy, the boy isn’t the one at first glance, but she’s there not committed but loyal on her terms, on his terms with no perimeters except intimacy. The closeness was mutual but the acceptance wasn’t. I took the special K challenge, invitation only, participation enjoyable.  I’m trying to designate what dating is to me, and what I’ve been doing the past 12 months, now that my heart is Vacant I have a desire for my IPhone to be cleared too.

I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.

 

AJM

 

Love is letting them move their Hamster cage in.

Dating, getting out there, investigating an attraction you have for a guy whatever you want to call it is a struggle. A struggle to find someone you think is hot but also because I have to push myself to play the field I mean text boys back to let “the right one in”. It’s because I do meet a lot of guys and with some of them it could lead into something more fast but I’m rarely ever into them. For me to like a guy I feel like I need to be able to love them, want to make love to them, and have them around which sounds pretty simple but it’s not. How important is that initial attraction level? Is it a deal breaker not having it right away, or is it something that can also grow with time. The Novel and movie “He’s just not that into you” has screwed up a lot of girls including me, it makes sense though if a dude wants to hangout with you he will, and if he doesn’t he wont call you. What happens if he’s shy? When you have that spark, when a girl finds someone they think is amazing how much effort should one make to get closer to that guy.   I know now after an unsettling date how fast I can get into a insecure situation being alone with a stranger and how aggressive and fast guys move.  prude, conservative, fridget, not interested or even a tease but chocking me on the first date is a deal breaker. There’s no reason  now to want to hangout with a boy one and one if I don’t have that spark, if I can’t see myself,,,,,  It’ll be trouble pressing reply on my IPHONE.

Is Parsley and Cilantro the same thing?

One could make the candid mistake that they are, well I did mistaking Cilantro as Parsley in the grocery store and again when cooking Tomato sauce. I liked shopping with the boys and the hint of cilantro in the spaghetti and unlike my roomies claims his “allergy” didn’t close up his throat.  The Chinese characterizes the fresh herbs as being the same and Cilantro is the world’s most widely used herb, except maybe today because it’s BOB MARLEY’S BIRTHDAY! Shopping or any time spent with the boys is enjoyable, hilarious and always clever. Having them announce to the store that I don’t necessary need 5 pregnancy tests, that 3 should make me through the month I would say is a new and clever way of embarrassing me and clarifying to a Ex Boyfriend’s friend  that bagging our groceries is not  a date i still find clever.

Running into old mutual mates that were once shared with a lover is always stirring especially if a few years have passed. I wonder if the day will ever come when a acquaintance isn’t recognizable because too much time has passed.??. She looked great, rocking a smaller silhouette going to Grad school, I can’t imagine I looked very different except for the fact that my bra size has flatteringly increased since I was 17 years old. The Boys say that my life would be completely different if I was flat chested that I wouldn’t have been hired for the Job I have, or have the same friends, basically my opportunities would be lacking. Looking down at my secondary sexual characteristics in my V neck top I can only assume there right to a degree. I’m a strong believer in self confidence and evolution and just like the decorative plumage of male birds or the mane on a lion my chest makes me more attractive and therefore a better competitor in a struggle for dominance and mating opportunities. But in Business is my body an asset or a liability? It’s the Survival of the fittest…

AJM

Stop Being a Baby and Start Being a Babe

The world is round, there’s 24 hours in a day, Barack is President, Slum Dog Millionaire was astonishingly real & inspiring, and I need sugar and lemons to make lemonade, but I’m still trying to figure everything else out.

What would life be like if you could jump ahead a decade.. If the universe would allow you to linger on a dream and then awake in it…. My dreams have changed in the last decade, and something that continues to revolutionize everyday is me however some things have remained constant, like wanting a family one day. I remember when my “biological clock first started ticking” I say that because I went a little baby crazy. I was twenty when I decided for sure that I did want to be a mom and I had a boyfriend at the time who I would stress out! My desire for pitter patter feet has defiantly calmed down now and I can laugh about my infection with babies but someone whose not laughing is that women in LA who gave birth to six boys and two girls a week ago. I admit I am a fan of John & Kate plus 8 the reality TV show on Showcase. I watch it at home and yes the boys rag me for it unless of coarse it’s on in the background while I cook them dinner, I find the show so inspiring and fun, almost a how to raise kids for dummies but Octuplets! Even saying the word is painful. Twins yes could be a dream come true but 8 babies!!! I only hope Oprah’s bottom line for 2009 is not in the red so this new mother can be blessed with the Business mogul’s charitable wand and be granted 8 of everything! Lay off on the fertility drugs lady!!

I feel bad for the daddy, because apparently the top three turn offs or deal breakers for men and when I say men I mean “man-boys” are:

1) Girls who are flaky and don’t now if they want to commit, or aren’t sure about there feelings, basically leading them on with texts and false hope.

2) Girls who don’t give B-J’s.

3) Having a not so flattering Vajayjay.

And I can only presume that Mrs. Octuplets  is only 34% hot now, being guilty of 2 & 3 now that she’s pumped out 14 children in total!

My Flavors of the week:

Lily Allen.

Lipstick Jungle.

Mik Gazelle.

Mensa IQ Test’s.

Head bands.

Acoustic Sets.

Hershey kisses with the Carmel in the middle.

Financial advisors.

AJM

Everybody wants you everybody call’s you.

I’m not to shy to say I have a crush on you, I think likely you’ll find out, Not sure how I feel about you but I’ve told somebody. I saw something different in you something they don’t see.

AJM

I’m not a Saint BUT I’m not a Sinner

With 2009 I’m taking all of this year’s opportunity to become eminent and it will be shameless.  Everything seems to look just how it is, and I need to accept it. The boy’s continue to tease me and will forever tempt and suggest that I jump on top of the Pub’s table for a dance and sometimes I will find myself lured by the taverns poison to get dirty but I will be forever brazen. I’m no longer that girl not that there’s anything wrong with being a Siren just right now in my life I want  serenity,  a more satisfying sense of gratification then the bottom of a bottle of belvedere can offer, I’m craving a life of sobriety and truth and time will only tell what will transpire with my current cross road.  It won’t matter what I do because ill always be me.

The morning of NY 09 I a woke to a collide of chaotic discussions of my behavior the night before, I evidently was a LOHAN, Dirty, Beautiful Party Girl, yes dancing on our Posh table smashing drinks on the floor, obviously expressing my excitement of the new year with extreme PDA, finding my dress on inside out, and plainly not being able to see straight. It’s always ok though because my Prince Charming’s come to my rescue however the only quest they engaged in that night was to find me a non desirable mate for the evening… It is ok because I can shake it off and I can liberate myself from my evil spell. In 2009 I will create opportunities for myself rather than waiting for them to be offered, a time to grow, a point to express my sexuality and find something strong.  

Without a flaw, AJM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful Dirty Dirty Rich Beautiful Xxx

LOHAN

December 17-21, 2008 Part Two

Many have dubbed me Martha this holiday season, which is very flattering because the woman is an American business magnate, television host, author, and magazine publisher. If you saw my Christmas decorations, Florentine cookies or my handmade wreaths you would understand. Christmas this year for me has been really grand and special.  Living in the Penthouse I’ve defiantly gotten into the spirit hosting a holiday party and making the most unmatched “dream home” gingerbread house EVER  however Thursday night my qualities of being a primed, statuesquely  festive mogul was tainted by my tenth Burt Reynolds butter ripple shot and a dozen vodka waters. Thursday I went to a private party at the Sharks Club with Mr. TeckTonic. The place was packed with loads of my old hockey boys from school and regrettably I got Lohan  drunk (in reference to the famous party girl Lindsey Lohan). Lohan drunk is the heavy partying kind, it can be irresponsible and unprofessional, it’s doing lots of dumb things at a party, with no knickers on. It’s when you become convinced that dancing with your arms overhead, shaking your ass, and yelling WOO HOO is truly the sexiest dance move EVER, You see beers all over a table so you lift each one up until you find one half full and chug it when no one is looking, you find yourself peeing behind random buildings, putting bar decor in your bag and you become overly enthusiastic when someone offers you $20 dollars to make out with your girl- friend. When you’re  Lohan drunk the urge to take off articles of clothing becomes strangely overwhelming and you wake up with a hustler in your bed. LOHAN is how I’m rationalizing my kiss of death that night which basically put me in a  predicament for my weekend, I don’t know how it happened it was only a kiss but Tony Montana wouldn’t leave.

AJM

My favorite alcohol is vodka or champagne...

My favorite Metric song remixed by one of my favorite DJ’s. MSTRKRAFTxxxxx

For the love of house music

 

 

Monster Hospital (MSTRKRFT Remix) by Metric

LISTEN

Last night I hung out with the Band on their tour bus.

December 17-21, 2008 Part One

Wednesday night I hung out with Tokyo Police club and Metric on their tour bus and I didn’t think about you once. In fact it’s been less and less each day now. I miss the person whom I believe you are but deep down in my heart I deem you as not that person anymore. Truth is supposed to represent honesty, good faith, and sincerity which I don’t believe symbolize our relationship or friendship anymore. There are so many special and wounding things you’ve said to me which I wished and held for so long as lies, but its fine now. I know how real my love was and how vital, it is that I have that same intensity, and enduring love returned, you’re right I did love you more. Seeing your girlfriend walk through the mall makes it easy now because it validates your pick. I’m not sure if she makes me Jealous, or if I have resentment at all but she better not f***ing wear white on her wedding day. It would be less shameful if she rocked her dress again, or maybe she’ll promise the same things to you as she did to her first groom, I’m sure she still remembers her broken vows.

The Shaw as a venue is one of my favorites I saw Rise Against there at the beginning of the month and spent most of the show in the beer gardens with the boy’s, until I met a new friend with a backstage pass. I’m not sure if I showed my gratitude to the East Coast Ginger because when he called me later that night we were hanging-out in my bed and the boy’s “added” a bit of comedy to his speaker call…

AJM